Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
