you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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