Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
