That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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