there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
