when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
