whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
