Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
