I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
this hospital has no fireball
I have fence marks all over my body
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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