I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
