he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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