and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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