can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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