she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
