If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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