I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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