woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
