My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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