Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
