he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
