Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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