bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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