it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
