Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
