based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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