the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
