If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
