Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
