so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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