Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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