Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
false alarm. still invincible.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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