if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
