When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
