you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
