Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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