He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
