i already hear my dad disowning me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
