There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
