MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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