We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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