I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
