census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
