so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
