He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
