Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
