as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it glows. i had to have it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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