i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
