Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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