thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
