It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
