Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
