break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dicks are not precious.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
