he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
50% drunk capacity currently
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
