PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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