I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
