This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
