at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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