omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Your mouth is God's brothel.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
