How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize