My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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