Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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