Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
