Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
