i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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